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This journal's pretty much abandoned.

Why am I up at 2:39am, my eyes smarting from being open for too long and staring at the screen too long, even though I am only hoping to studying but distracting myself with shit like

1. Sudoku
2. www.thesuperficial.com
3. www.geekologie.com
4. www.cracked.com
5. Mental Blocks (that's what I have right now)
6. Xangas

I'm not like the people who study, but then pretend like they don't so their ass would be covered if they get bad grades.

I actually do not study. And I would love to be only saying this so my ass would be covered if I get bad grades, but I would rather NOT get bad grades, but that is hardly possible as I am not just pretending not to study; I am actually honestly not studying, EVEN THOUGH MY LIT PAPER IS ON MONDAY AND I HAVE NEVER READ OTHELLO IN MY LIFE.

AND THE LAST TIME I READ PRIDE AND PREJUDICE WAS IN CLASS WHEN I GOT BORED OF LISTENING

AND I HAVE NEVER TAKEN NOTES DURING A LIT LECTURE THAT ISN'T MODERN LIT

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!!

panic attack

I LOVE ROCK N ROLL
SO PUT ANOTHER DIME IN THE JUKEBOX BABY

I love rock n roll
so come and take the time & DANCE WITH ME!



It's quite pleasant studying in school with friends. And definitely more productive than if I studied at home. Though I'm not really studying per se, but more like doing my French coursework.

I realized that my A level experience is probably quite different from the normal A level experience. For one, I have TSD practicals in June and July. And then I also have to do and hand in my French coursework in August and September, when most people would be studying for prelims.

So basically, I won't be studying properly till after the 19th of September, when I've handed in my coursework. That's 3 months after all the normal people have started studying intensively. I wonder how badly I'll do for A levels! Thank goodness I dropped math to H1, otherwise sure die.

I miss having a life :(

Was on Eka's blog, now it's on mine:

If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now even if we don't speak often, please post a comment with a memory of you and me. It can be anything - good or bad. You can post anonymously if you want. When you're finished, post this little paragraph on your blog and be surprised (or mortified) about what people remember about you.

Neng is sad :(
Neng don't be sad. Even though he won't see this :(

Don't worry. Soon you won't be sad. All emotions are fleeting. Life is fleeting (though it's the longest damn thing you'll ever experience. but before you know it it'll be over, like a birthday, then two birthdays, and then soon it'll be your eighty-fourth...) so don't spend too much time being unhappy.

What is this strange insomnia? I'm so fucking tired, yet I'm not in the least sleepy. I have a paper in 12 hours, but I'm not even anxious, or scared, or stressed. Just strangely restless. Maybe this is a different manifestation of the stress chemical or something, I don't know. AIYAH IT'S THREE FUCKING AM AND I JUST WANT TO SLEEP LA.

(I fell asleep in the end. I just woke up.)

Yeah my new DSLR is pretty damn amazing.

I don't know why I'm not doing my work.

It's like being hunted by a big hungry carnivore but not running.

The day I get my results is the day I will die.

My nose is running more than I've run in the past one year.

Nicole made a penose for her indiv for TSD A level.

I have to wake up in 3 hours. BALLS

Some people think drinking's stupid. They say it makes you stupid and and makes you say and do stupid things. But for me, drinking (not getting drunk la) lets me think. It kind of blocks out everything else, all the little details of the present, all the unpleasant things in my life (LIKE A LEVELS) and lets me think.

So my birthday was 2 (now 3, since it's 3 am) days ago. People say it's no big deal to turn 18, and that it's very anti-climatic. In my opinion though, turning 18 was fantastic. I mean, a birthday only comes once a year, and your 18th birthday only comes once in a lifetime, and I'm determined to think of mine as spectacular. And it was pretty spectacular. I got to spend it with my friends (Steffi Aruna Nicole Weishan <3) even though it was only because of our TSD showcase, and then I had dinner with my family and boyfriend. Well yeah it wasn't anything extraordinary. I mean, I didn't have a 1000 pax party at some noisy club where all the kids got drunk and danced with strangers, but I had fun and that's what's important.

And though I'm still the same person and I still do the same things (wake up, brush teeth, shower, dress for school etc) I do feel different. Every birthday is a reminder that I'm growing up, that I should start being responsible for myself, that I can't do anything I want and get away with it (like you know when we were kids, we could just stand on bus seats and sing at the top of our voices and people would just go "aww, how cute").

I guess turning 18 is just the beginning. So old but still so young you know?

But anyway, my 18th birthday led me to think about life and how you view it. Others can say "I turned 18. It was so much more boring than I expected." But for me, I choose to think it wasn't so uneventful and uninspiring. I chose to make it special, at least for myself. That's how it is with life too. Life isn't just what it is; a large part of it is what you make of it. That's why I think pessimism is dumb. No matter what you do, what anyone does, you can only do so much and change so much. But since life is so short and you only get to live it once, why not just make the best of it? It's not really deluding yourself per se, just looking on the bright side of things. You can be realistic but optimistic too.

And that's why I don't want to be an anal bitch to Narpal as well (even though he can be a bastard sometimes). Every time we fight, there are so many other possible scenarios running through my head, so many other options I could choose and so many other things I could've said and done. But no, I always choose to do what's most annoying, most difficult, most spiteful. Why? I don't know, but I'm 18 and I should know better than to be an unreasonable brat. That's why I'm going to try not to do that any more. It makes life easier and more pleasant for every one. If everyone thought like this, I'm sure the world would be so much more fun.

So yeah, that's my 18th birthday epiphany.

I want songs. My computer's all fixed up now, but everything in my hard disk's gone, and I hadn't backed my music up.

Songs I want
Love in the first degree
Beautiful girls
Without you

I'll think of more later but these earworms have been haunting me all week and I haven't been able to play them to relieve myself of the pain :(

Wouldn't it be nice if I had a little solar powered car to drive around in a little seaside resort? A resort that's right on the beach. I could open my door and step onto the sand. And of course there'd be fantastic weather - a cool sea breeze and only soft wispy clouds in the sky. Hot, but not humid. Then I'd wear a tank top and shorts and flip flops and have a big straw hat that doesn't give me sweaty hat hair. And at night I'd fall asleep to the gentle lull of the waves in a big comfy bed with big fluffy pillows and smooth sheets that smell like fresh laundry, and I'd wake up early in the morning to have orange juice at the breakfast buffet. If it's especially hot then I'd change into a pretty bikini and maybe go swimming or wakeboarding, or maybe just sit by the beach and sip cold beer or martinis with little umbrellas while reading a good steamy book of chick lit.

Orgasmic.

It died. It refuses to do ANYTHING. It can be switched on, but once I log into my account, the stupid wallpaper just sits there and I can't click or type anything. It might be because I pushed the laptop off the bed last night. Or it might just be lousy.

The right speaker also doesn't work. It might be because I hit the right side of the laptop against the wall very softly the day I got my laptop. Or it might just be lousy.

And that piece of shit is not even 3 months old. It serves my dad right for buying the cheapest respectable laptop there is. By the way, it was an HP Compaq Presario V3000. The label on the bottom said V3700 though, so I'm not sure which it was. DO NOT BUY IT. IT SUCKS OSAMA BALLS.

AND now is really the worst time for my laptop to die, because my TSD critical commentary is due on Friday. YIPPEEEE

I love the clique. It's amazing how well we get along together. I'm super glad I got to know these idiots. What would we do without each other? These are the people I'm going to love forever :)

( Moments with the Bunnies )

IF YOU'RE ON MY FRIENDS LIST (or if you read my LJ and I know you), I want to know 36 things about you. I don't care if we never talk, if you're more of a lurker, or if we already know everything about each other.

BE HONEST! COPY FROM HERE THEN SEND DIRECTLY TO ME IN A COMMENT, THEN REPOST THE EMPTY QUESTIONS.

1) Are you currently in a serious relationship?
A.

2) What was your dream growing up?
A.

3) What talent do you wish you had?
A.

4) If I bought you a drink what would it be?
A.

5) Favorite vegetable?
A.

6) What was the last book you read?
A.

7) What zodiac sign are you?
A.

8) Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? Explain where.
A.

9) Worst Habit?
A.

10) If you saw me walking down the street would you offer me a ride?
A.

11) What is your favorite sport?
A.

12) Do you have a Negative or Optimistic attitude?
A.

13) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
A.

14) Worst thing to ever happen to you?
A.

15) Tell me one weird fact about you.
A.

16) Do you have any pets?
A.

17) What if i showed up at your house unexpectedly?
A.

18) What was your first impression of me?
A.

19) Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
A.

20) If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
A.

21) Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?
A.

22) What color eyes do you have?
A.

23) Ever been arrested?
A.

24) Bottle or can soda?
A.

25) If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it?
A.

27) What's your favorite place to hang at?
A.

28) Do you believe in ghosts?
A.

29) Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
A.

30) Do you swear a lot?
A.

31) Biggest pet peeve?
A.

32) In one word, how would you describe yourself?
A.

33) Do you believe/appreciate romance?
A.

35) Do you believe in God?
A.

36) Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you?
A.

I smell chocolate. It makes me crave hot Milo. Mmm hot Milo.

I'm supposed to be doing my critical commentary now WHY AM I NOT FOCUSING?!

ARGHHH

I'M EASY.

It's possible to get a sore ass from sitting on it for too long.

Okay time to be serious. No more late nights out till June holidays.

I'm going to drop Math to H1. I hope I don't do badly for A levels :/

I'm guessing either A or B for literature, then maybe C for TSD, hopefully no worse than C for French, and maybe a D for math? I hope I can get A for GP :/

Distractions

1. Narpal
2. Bed
3. Computer
4. Food
5. TV

I don't want to study. I hate studying. I like learning, but I hate studying. I am so fucking sick of school already.

UUUUUUGGHHHHHH. I miss Hodge.